One of my favorites is the old "You don't have to like everybody" line - there's always a little tag on the end about how we're supposed to love everybody, but we don't have to like them.

That's a fun one. Like the "pray for the SOB even if you don't mean it" business, it implies that it's okay for us to keep looking down on other folks so long as we wish them well.

I used it, for a while. Eventually, enough inventory work allowed me to see that I actually really do like everybody.

I noticed that the only time that I didn't like someone - i.e. felt uncomfortable when I saw them, or didn't want to share space or time with them - was when I had begun to suspect that they didn't like me, and so I had to avoid them and invalidate their (supposed) negative opinion of me.

(N.B. - when I say that I like everybody, I don't mean that I want to spend a lot of time with all of them - because I only have so much time, and I usually spend my spare time in various activities, and so mostly wind up enjoying the company of other folks who like those activities. When I say that I like everybody, I mean that I would pretty much enjoy sitting down and talking with them anytime).

Of course, I still would enjoy the privilege of "not liking somebody". When you're an alcoholic and a compulsive overeater, it's nice to be able to look down on somebody now and then.

However, there are two interesting passages in our literature that lead me to the conclusion that it's just not OK to say to myself that "it's allright not to like so-and-so". The first one is the Spiritual Axiom, from page 90 in the 12 & 12 -

            "It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, 
              there is something wrong with us."  -- pg 90, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

You won't often find me quoting the 12&12, since there isn't much in the way of instructions that I can find in that book - there are wonderful essays and things to think about, and a really good prayer (the prayer of St. Francis) but there doesn't seem to be much in the way of "clear cut directions".

However, the Spiritual Axiom is a wonderful example of cautionary directions - where it's saying, like a spiritual Crocodile Hunter - "Crikey! Never, ever ever do this!" And it fits in very well with my understanding of the "actor who wants to run the whole show" and the injunction that we can't "harbor such feelings" from page 64. The Spiritual Axiom is from the essay about Step 10, which is the Step in which (upon finding out that we are selfish, dishonest, resentful or afraid) we are supposed to:

1. Ask God at once to remove it
2. Discuss it with somebody immediately
3. Make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone, and
4. Resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

So if I find somebody else's presence or attention disturbing, then there's something wrong with me - and I'd best get busy finding out what it is and straightening it out with the above methodology.

But there's another place where the idea of not liking people is addressed, and it's in the Big Book, in the Clear Cut Directions, where it talks in Step Nine about people that we have hated -
 
          "Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an
            enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful
            and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret. "

The idea that I must "confess [my] former ill feeling and express my regret" seems to me to be saying that an "ill feeling" is something that must be confessed - not only that, but that it is done so formally, in the Ninth Step, which means that I am making amends for harms done others.

It's helpful for me to remember that "love and tolerance of others is our code" - but I need to use the engineering definition of "tolerance", meaning "able to interact without friction", rather than my old self-righteous idea of "tolerance" meaning "I'm much smarter/moral/spiritual than he is, but I'll put up with his faults to show that I'm a good guy".