For years, it's bothered me to sit in gratitude meetings.

I never could figure out just why - I don't see anything wrong with gratitude, of course. I'm GRATEFUL for gratitude. I enjoy being grateful. Gratitude is that wonderful response to a gift - it's not a smug triumph over something I've "earned". (I used to be resentful that I didn't get everything that I deserved; after a few inventories, I'm very glad that God is a God of mercy, not justice :)

But when I would sit in a gratitude meeting and hear people talk about making gratitude lists, it sorta made me squirm inside. And part of my squirming was discomfort over not knowing what I was uncomfortable about - after all, what's wrong with making a gratitude list?

Absolutely nothing, of course. I even managed to convince myself that a gratitude list was a good example of a meditative exercise, such as the Big Book talks about in Step 11, where it says that "there are many helpful books also" - I decided that a gratitude list was an implementation of St. Paul's instructions to the Phillipians:

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8).

And that may, indeed, be the case - I might still believe that.

However, coming up with that way to look at things didn't stop my squirming. I'd still get the heebie-jeebies every time the subject came up.

I found some comfort in my wife's notions - she said that telling people to be grateful reminded her of how mothers used to say "Eat your peas and be grateful that you have them - there are children starving in [pick distressed country or continent of the decade] who would love to have those peas."  As far as she could tell, all that did was make the kid feel guilty - it didn't make him feel grateful, although he would (no doubt) shut up and eat his peas.

At today's noon AA meeting, however, I finally got my answer - now I know why the mention of "making a gratitude list" always made me squirm.

It's not in the Big Book.

Yes, you know that and I know that - however, as I said above, I could find a place in the 11th Step instructions where it might fit quite well. But a friend of mine mentioned today that it's not in the Big Book, although to him that was no big deal

But then, the next person who shared was a young drunk saying today that his sponsor told him to make a gratitude list every time he started to get angry or self-pitying (as far as I could tell, pretty much any negative emotion) - that a gratitude list would keep that emotion from growing and leading him to a drink.

a-HA! As soon as he said that, I had it.

We don't recommend that people do gratitude lists as meditation - we tell them to do those lists as a treatment for the emotions that might make them drink - and that feeds into the belief that it's emotions that get us drunk; that we're drinking as a result of our feelings, and that we should be treating those feelings directly, rather than get to the underlying causes.

My book says that when I feel those negative emotions, I'm supposed to

1) ask God at once to remove them
2) discuss them with somebody else immediately
3) make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone, and
4) resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

Instead of - and as a replacement for - all of that structure and introspection, we often tell folks that "you should make a gratitude list". So we give this advice as a substitute for the Steps, rather than as an adjunct or supplement;.

And then, with that simple notion in place, I was able to expand on Ethel's "eat your peas" objection - when we tell somebody to make a gratitude list, we are telling them that they should change the way they feel - which is always dangerous advice for a drunk.  And the making of a list seems to be us telling ourselves "These are the circumstances that should be making me happy" - which follows that old false belief  that I worshiped for so long - the belief that my circumstances are my problem, rather than my internal state.

(I did say, above, that prescribing a list is telling somebody to change the way that they feel; I'll admit, however, that6 it's possible that we might indeed be saying "change the way you think, which should then change the way that you feel" - but even that is saying "Treat the mental issue directly", which is a step back from AA's 12 Steps. Those Steps seem to me to say "Take an action on the spiritual plane, and the mental, emotional and physical results will follow from that.")

As far as I can tell, gratitude does not lead me to humility; nope, it's the other way around. The 12 Steps operate on a spiritual basis to generate "ego reduction at depth", and that leads me to a simple humility - and, when I am humble, I don't HAVE to make a gratitude list; being grateful then becomes my normal state. Everything that comes along is met with a smile and a heartfelt "thanks, God!"

Contrariwise - if I'm trying to fix my mental or emotional state directly, quite often I find that everything on that gratitude list of mine is actually onerous indeed; the very same possessions, relationships or events that seem to be blessings on Tuesday can be burdens on Thursday.

AA is a spiritual program; we're not psychiatrists or psychologists, and what we have to offer is not gimmicks or motivational therapy. It's miracles, plain and simple. If we stick to the Steps, then gratitude is the RESULT of our actions - it's not the CAUSE.