Shut Up And Eat Your Peas
For years, it's bothered me to sit in gratitude meetings.
I never could figure out just why - I don't see anything wrong with gratitude, of course. I'm GRATEFUL for gratitude. I enjoy being grateful. Gratitude is that wonderful response to a gift - it's not a smug triumph over something I've "earned". (I used to be resentful that I didn't get everything that I deserved; after a few inventories, I'm very glad that God is a God of mercy, not justice :)
But when I would sit in a gratitude meeting and hear people talk about making gratitude lists, it sorta made me squirm inside. And part of my squirming was discomfort over not knowing what I was uncomfortable about - after all, what's wrong with making a gratitude list?
Absolutely nothing, of course. I even managed to convince myself that a gratitude list was a good example of a meditative exercise, such as the Big Book talks about in Step 11, where it says that "there are many helpful books also" - I decided that a gratitude list was an implementation of St. Paul's instructions to the Phillipians:
And that may, indeed, be the case - I might still believe that."Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8).
However, coming up with that way to look at things didn't stop my squirming. I'd still get the heebie-jeebies every time the subject came up.
I found some comfort in my wife's notions - she said that telling people to be grateful reminded her of how mothers used to say "Eat your peas and be grateful that you have them - there are children starving in [pick distressed country or continent of the decade] who would love to have those peas." As far as she could tell, all that did was make the kid feel guilty - it didn't make him feel grateful, although he would (no doubt) shut up and eat his peas.
At today's noon AA meeting, however, I finally got my answer - now I know why the mention of "making a gratitude list" always made me squirm.
It's not in the Big Book.
Yes, you know that and I know that - however, as I said above, I could find a place in the 11th Step instructions where it might fit quite well. But a friend of mine mentioned today that it's not in the Big Book, although to him that was no big deal
But then, the next person who shared was a young drunk saying today that his sponsor told him to make a gratitude list every time he started to get angry or self-pitying (as far as I could tell, pretty much any negative emotion) - that a gratitude list would keep that emotion from growing and leading him to a drink.
a-HA! As soon as he said that, I had it.
We don't recommend that people do gratitude lists as meditation - we tell them to do those lists as a treatment for the emotions that might make them drink - and that feeds into the belief that it's emotions that get us drunk; that we're drinking as a result of our feelings, and that we should be treating those feelings directly, rather than get to the underlying causes.
My book says that when I feel those negative emotions, I'm supposed to
1) ask God at once to remove them
2) discuss them with somebody else immediately
3) make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone, and
4) resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
Instead of - and as a replacement for - all of that structure and introspection, we often tell folks that "you should make a gratitude list". So we give this advice as a substitute for the Steps, rather than as an adjunct or supplement;.
And then, with that simple notion in place, I was able to expand on Ethel's "eat your peas" objection - when we tell somebody to make a gratitude list, we are telling them that they should change the way they feel - which is always dangerous advice for a drunk. And the making of a list seems to be us telling ourselves "These are the circumstances that should be making me happy" - which follows that old false belief that I worshiped for so long - the belief that my circumstances are my problem, rather than my internal state.
(I did say, above, that prescribing a list is telling somebody to change the way that they feel; I'll admit, however, that6 it's possible that we might indeed be saying "change the way you think, which should then change the way that you feel" - but even that is saying "Treat the mental issue directly", which is a step back from AA's 12 Steps. Those Steps seem to me to say "Take an action on the spiritual plane, and the mental, emotional and physical results will follow from that.")
As far as I can tell, gratitude does not lead me to humility; nope, it's the other way around. The 12 Steps operate on a spiritual basis to generate "ego reduction at depth", and that leads me to a simple humility - and, when I am humble, I don't HAVE to make a gratitude list; being grateful then becomes my normal state. Everything that comes along is met with a smile and a heartfelt "thanks, God!"
Contrariwise - if I'm trying to fix my mental or emotional state directly, quite often I find that everything on that gratitude list of mine is actually onerous indeed; the very same possessions, relationships or events that seem to be blessings on Tuesday can be burdens on Thursday.
AA is a spiritual program; we're not psychiatrists or psychologists, and what we have to offer is not gimmicks or motivational therapy. It's miracles, plain and simple. If we stick to the Steps, then gratitude is the RESULT of our actions - it's not the CAUSE.
What a great gift! I need to be home, in bed, right now, but had to take care of a little business at the campus library . . . stumbled on your new entry. Good for me to hear right now. (My circumstances have been doing a pretty good job of convincing me that they are, indeed, a big part of, if not the entire, problem.)
I, too, have always been a bit uneasy with gratitude lists though, as you say, I have nothing against gratitude. It just always seemed such a false effort when used in such a way.
Thanks for sharing your Big Book-based epiphany. It seems more natural to me that gratitude would be part of the miracle that is a gift of working the steps.
Hugs & blessings.
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My last two lessons in my guided Eleventh step workbook have been these -
"I am not a victim of the world I see"
and
"I have created the world I see".
My circumstances - especially those that I am picking out and focusing on - are the RESULT of my spiritual condition, not the CAUSE of it
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I think that making a gratitude list is a great activity. It really puts in perspective what is important in your life and that you are truly blessed. I too was very spectacle about some of these activities but I think they are all there for a reason and truly helped me out.
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Developing an already successful product is always difficult but Ping have “engineered a lot of little improvements into the G10 driver that add up to significant performance gains” John K Solheim Vice president of Engineering. The large 460cc Titanium heads now features a taller club face which increases the hitting area and with its more aggressive angle helps to transmit more energy to the ball. The club features a higher MOI – moment of inertia giving the benefits of greater forgiveness and consistency. In addition the thin crown enable more weight to be positioned lower and further back thus optimising the CG – centre of gravity, to give the benefit of a higher easier launch and reduced spin rate
Ping G10 fairway woods
Its not very surprising when Ping gets Gold awards for its G10 irons and G10 drivers that its fairway woods will follow too – as they have! They feature both a lower profile and a longer face. These combine to give the benefits of a higher ball velocity with less spin giving greater consistency and forgiveness. Additionally weight saved from the crown, face and hosel enable more weight to be positioned back and closer to the heel. This and the clubs low lead edge helps to get the club under the ball and create a draw option.
The tale of Ping’s G10 golf clubs goes back a long way. First there was the Ping G2 then the award winning Ping G5, launched in 1995. Golf equipment featuring irons with striking blue graphics, a brushed finish, oversized deep cavity backs which helped distribute weight better around the head. This made them ideal for an established golfer looking for ultimate forgiveness, a 20+ handicapper looking for game improvement club or a beginner. A combination of their pedigree and the Ping G10 performance soon made them a market favourite.
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As can be expected for Ping this is well engineered golf equipment, a feature constantly strived for by Karsten, Ping’s founder. Consistent distance and accuracy of these clubs is provided by their increased low toe weight and the large cavity back which produce a high MOI – moment of inertia. The
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After knowing more about it, I do not feel it is strange in its shape. Kombi putters are finished with Tour-inspired, bold red three-dot graphics and a red Cameron cord grip. The grip on the Kombi Mid and Long is a 2-piece Split Red Cameron. Each Studio Select Kombi putter includes a silver headcover with bold, red, Tour-inspired graphics. The Studio Select Kombi and Kombi Mid feature 4 degrees of loft and 71 degrees of lie, while the Kombi Long offers 4 degrees of loft and a 79 degree lie angle. All three models can be bent plus or minus 2 degrees.
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When I saw the Titleist Scotty Cameron Studio Select Kombi Putter, I do not know how to describe my feel to it. How to say, it is probably for the reason that it has a very different looking compared with other putters. As for me,Callaway Big Bertha Irons 2008, it is bigger than other putters in shape. Professionally, this model has a precision milled 303 stainless steel clubhead, Tour-inspired graphics, and factory interchangeable weights. The Titleist putter add advanced mallet designs to the Studio Select family in Standard (33", 34", 35"), mid (42", 43", 44") and Long (48", 50") models. Well, I would like to know whether the playability how different from Discount Golf Clubs.
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Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66 for running are made with a philosophy and a purpose. Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66were founded depending on the guidelines of “A healthy mind in a Healthy Body” that is the inner meaning of the phrase in Latin “Anima Sana In Corpore Sano or ASICS”.The ASICS GEL KAYANO 17 is available as of now at Schuch-You.Synthetic material uppers with trademark Asics Onitsuka Tiger California 78 side stripes in yellow leather. That is why designs of Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66 not only extends protection for the runner’s feet, Asics shoes are designed to look after for the runner’s whole well being. In this way, Asics shoes promote optimum performance and total fitness. This should be an effective policy in the development of shoes for running. In fact, Asics shoes are the pioneer in world famous Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66, and they have in their baskets a large number of collections for the quality running shoes ever produced. With Onitsuka Tiger Ultimate 81 and the introduction of the Asymmetrical Lacing system, fit and comfort became amongst the best out there.If one needs a closer attention at the quality in Asics collection, three popular types and bestselling types of shoes of Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66brand are appended below.
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To celebrate this milestone Onitsuka Tiger Mid Runner have launched a series of sneakers that take inspiration from each of the different animals from the calendar.
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I Love ASICS GEL KAYANO 17 running shoes
I love the ASICS GEL KAYANO 17, but, in fact the Kayano is my favorite style so far. In fact, The ASICS Gel-Kayano line has been the only shoe that lasts more than months and provides the stability and support you need.I usually put Asics Gel Kinsei 2 on and went for a 3 mile run with no problems. I typically run 4 to 5 miles a week and mostly outside on asphalt roads. Besides, I occasionally run on a treadmill when the weather is bad. The ever reliable ASICS GEL KAYANO 17 returns as the flagship model, with good cushioning, good support and a strong construction.They really hold up well and are the most durable Asics I have ever owned.The ASICS GEL KAYANO 17 is a heavier meshed model yet gains no discernible weight for this.I am letting them rest after 10 months of running, spinning, aerobics, weight lifting a week.Lacing angles to the side which looks a bit weird and they are in a different place, closer to the Onitsuka Tiger Mexico 66 Deluxe instep which takes the pressure off my bunion. No matter of re-lacing with different tensions, I couldn’t get around the feeling that this particular lace placement would lead to trouble.
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Thin means that Adidas F50 Adizero the more flexible, which in different site conditions to ensure the comfort and good performance. super-lightweight glass fiber composite plate at outsole that reacts to need for speed Strategically configured blades for superior footing and quick cuts in any direction Nike Mercurial Vapor III Safari Toe-off traction for bursts of speed.Adidas F50 Adizero the is one of special design product that with fine leather style.Nike have changed the angle of the sole.Compared to a 180 degree boot,this newly made angle means that it will be easier to accelerate from a starting position.Adidas f50 adizero football cleats because the use of hidden lace design, lightweight shoes, body weight, SG shoes with a quick change system, with three pairs of “Fusion Frame” technology. At the time Adidas signed that was more speed-based players chosen. In material terms, F50 is still using the traditional kangaroo leather materials.
However,you won't Adidas F50 Adizero TRX be seeing boot debuts from either of the aforementioned names soon as the Real Madrid talisman is injured and the AC Milan striker is currently serving a three match ban. The F50 Adizero Prime need for high stability, typically require the application of heel robust solid material, but more close to the f
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Asics Gel-Kayano 17 Size Euro 46 came out
Asics Gel-Kayano 17 was introduced with the objective of serving runners looking for both stride efficiency and comfort in their shoes. Manufactured by Asics Gel-kayano , this shoe has high-end components. With its cutting edge technology, the company brings out a bold new edition. It features Asics Gel-kayano New Guidance Line and Duomax Support System for optimal gait. Besides, this Asics Gel 17 venerated trainer has a redesigned asymmetrical lacing system, and shock-attenuating discrete heel unit.The newest model Asics Gel-Kayano 17 runs a little smaller than previous models and the laces are not as long as they have been in the past so it means that no more double knots. I heard that the Asics Gel-Kayano 17 were lighter than its previous models, but to be honest I couldn’t feel the difference. This one is even better than the last!The Asics Gel 17 is a heavier meshed model yet gains no discernible weight for this. If your feet are on the larger side, they will likely fit you well, but if you’re used to the Asics Running Shoes with smaller feet, do make sure to give them a try and expect much fiddling with laces before you commit your hard earned premium-price-running-shoe cash.
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The fall clothing season is an interesting time of year. One is never sure as to what to wear during season--- hot one day and chilly the next. It is still warm out, at least it is in Memphis, so should one continue wearing their 'summer clothes' or move on into fall. Well, we all know not to wear white after Labor Day, but what else.
There are several options for fall outfits 2011. Lilly Pulitzer makes several nice transitional pieces that will work even into early spring. And many of the pieces are perfect for packing for that long football weekend. The dresses are the main focus for fall. There are several styles and prints that will work on any body shape and that will travel easily.
The Blayney Dress is a V-neck knit dress that will pack and not wrinkle. It comes in several different prints to choose from. This dress fits all shapes and is very flattering. But, this is a must have dress for your wardrobe.
The Adalle Warp dress is another nice dress for fall by Lilly Pulitzer. It is made of a rayon spandex jersey which makes it a good travel dress as well. This dress also comes in several prints for one to choose from. This style is good for all body shapes and is very flattering.
Truly timeless fall clothes 2011 are the A-line shift dress or the Worth Shift. This is a real Lilly Pulitzer classic style. This is one of those pieces that you can just throw on and go. It is great for that fall football game and on into the spring for that Easter egg hunt. You can layer this dress and wear it year round. This dress also comes in several prints to choose from.
This fall there are several dress options for you to select from, but the ease of the dress is important. With a busy lifestyle, having to select an outfit for the day or just a dress, the dress is always a good choice.
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