I spent this last weekend at an OA convention in Dallas, TX. (Gotta love Dallas :)

One of the most interesting things that I heard, I heard not in a meeting or from a speaker, but in a private conversation with my oldest friend.

He pointed out that there's a comfort zone, and that people have to be pushed out of their comfort zone in order to grow; as long as they are comfortable, there's too much inertia causing them to stay the way that they are. Okay, nothing really new there - I've been hearing, and saying, that for years - except for the idea of that area of discomfort, just outside of the Comfort Zone, being called the "Growth Zone".

But he followed that up by saying that if folks get pushed too far our of their comfort zone, they wind up in the Panic Zone, and they can't grow there either - instead of being unwilling to move because they are comfortable, they are unable to move because they are paralyzed with fear.

I liked it so much that I drew a picture :)

                                          

So I brought that home, and thought about it, and it really explains a lot - and then, during this morning's Big Book Study, we were reading about "the first meeting with a man, in Chapter Seven (page 91) talking about the Twelfth Step -

"After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him enough about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. ... If he is not communicative, give him a sketch of your drinking career up to the time you quit.... If he is in a serious mood dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his."

...and I thought back on all of those first conversations I've had, after a meeting or when they first give me a phone call, and I realized how perfectly the above instructions map into these thoughts about "Panic Zone, Growth Zone, and Comfort Zone".

See, telling my own story, and doing so from the perspective of "yes, it really was that bad, but I'm all better now", has the tendency to pull the listener into the Growth Zone, regardless of which zone he's in now.

If he's ready to grow, we can identify, and then we get moving.

Then, for the ones that are a little too placid - the ones who think "gee, I'm not that bad a drunk" or  "I couldn't really be a compulsive overeater" - me telling my story, and focusing on those examples of powerless that got my attention, might cause them to think "Uh, oh - huh, I drink/overeat like that" and - as the Big Book says -

"Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better."

So the comfortable ones get "disturbed", and that's a good thing - they get pushed out into the Growth Zone. Maybe not right away - but perhaps a few more episodes, a few more binges, might get them there - especially when they have our words still ringing in their ears.

But then we have the other ones - the ones who are almost hysterical with grief and remorse. These sad, sick cases have reached the point where they don't believe that anything can be done for them. (It's funny how quickly many of us go from "I don't have that bad a problem" to "nobody can help me - I'm a goner" :) When I think of these, I tend to think of Bill D., "Anonymous Number Three", who was the Man On The Bed - the one who was sure that he was too far gone, the one exhibiting maudlin remorse over having punched a nurse the night before.

These folks are in the Panic Zone - they are ready to jump off a bridge (but not just yet) and will quickly deflect any attempts to help them by saying "No, no - nobody can help me. I'm too bad, too evil, too sick"; however, hearing a quiet recitation of our own struggles, our own powerlessness - while there we sit, obvious examples of recovery - can have the power of calming these hystrionic ones down, and moving them into the Growth Zone, where they are ready to get started.

It sort of reminds me of the old circuit riding preacher¹, who would show up once a month and say "I am here to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable"; this helps both groups. The afflicted can't grow until they hear a message of hope; the comfortable can't grow until you light a fire under them.

I'll close with this further illustration - this model also explains some of my own behavior, as a sponsor, and the funny stuff I've seen from my own sponsors.....Have you ever noticed how, when you explain to your sponsor how bad things are, he tells you that they're not so bad?...but then, when you give him a smug answer, and you're puffed up with your own self-satisfaction, he'll burst your balloon quickly and tell you that you're in danger, and that you'd better get to work? :)



¹ Aside to Alan - yes, I'm still using that "circuit-riding preacher" analogy. I'm sure that it will wear off eventually :)